"Its a new life",
Meera said to herself perhaps for the hundredth time and looked up just in time
to see the bus coming her way. She waved for the bus to stop, got in and paid
for her ticket. She looked around, trying to find a comfortable spot since
she'd always hated sitting right next to the window or next to the wall and in
the instances when she'd had to do so she'd felt claustrophobic. Often, people
have been glad to sit next to the window and have let her sit in the corner
unlike Rahul. Today, she told herself she needs to change her ways and perhaps
for the first time willingly sat next to the window. She settled down and
looked outside. She liked what she saw. Spring.
She loved the colours of spring
and immediately remembered her visits to the park with Rahul soon after they'd
moved in together. The sweet scent of flowers, combined with lush green grass
around them, their many happy pictures together, it all came back to her, the
very things she tried to forget.
The bus halted at the next stop
and jerked her back to reality. She looked at her watch and realised she still
had an hour to pick Anya up from nursery. She looked out the window again and
felt a tingle at the nook of her neck. She didn't like the feeling, the feeling
of being watched. She turned around just in time to see a guy in the far back
turn away from her. Even from the distance he looked a little familiar but
decided not to give him much thought.
It’s been nearly two months
since she moved to Surrey, London, with Anya, far from her memories and loved
ones; and it was just more than a year after she decided on the adoption of
Anya. From day one since she laid her eyes on Anya, she couldn't help but
wonder how anyone could ever think of abandoning this beautiful baby, but also
couldn't thank them enough for doing so. She knew she was smiling now, thinking
of her little girl, her naughty wee devil. She couldn't imagine a life without
Anya now, just like how once she couldn't imagine her life without Rahul.
Rahul, he was something. Just
thinking of his name brought back memories she had been trying to run from. The
many late nights she had cried herself to sleep, fear of his anger, his
rudeness and sarcasm, everything came back to her. She didn't have many
memories of him showering her with love and affection after they started their
life together. It was true, their honeymoon period was over before they even
began their life together. She'd often wished things could go back to when it
all started, the good times before they started living together. Those were the
times she still cherished.
Rahul was her best guy-friend
who she loved very much. She had known what she was getting into and wished
many times later that she needn't have been such a brave girl. "Meera,
will you marry me?" he had asked on her birthday, the very first year
after their friendship escalated to mutual love and she was happy as a clam
when she simply said a "Yes!!!”.
"Excuse me dear, are you
alright?" came the voice of the old lady seated next to her. She
hadn't even realised that someone actually had occupied the seat next to hers,
when she was so lost in her thoughts. Meera struggled to get her words out. She
simply nodded a 'Yes' to the nice concerned lady, just realising she had tears
tricking down her cheeks. She deftly wiped them off and looked at her watch.
There was still time enough for her to get down at the next stop and walk
around the park towards the nursery to pick up Anya. She thought that would
give her enough time to calm down. She could already picture Anya waiting
happily with her backpack and big pal who also happened to be the security
guard. Yes, she was a very friendly charming little girl.
Meera got ready to get off the
bus and thanked the nice lady for her concern. The nice lady replied, "He
doesn't deserve you honey! You'll find someone better. You first end up meeting
all the wrong ones so you'll know when you have met the right one!".
Meera was astounded but she just smiled in answer and got down from the bus.
She was smiling to herself
thinking about what the nice strange lady had told her. She had indeed met a
few right ones, those who loved her dearly, showered her with all the affection
and were ready to do anything for her. But, Meera, she wasn't interested in the
ordinary. She knew she'd have had a comfortable life if she'd chosen any one of
them, but there was just one problem, she was never in-love with any of them. They were
all her close friends and she couldn't think of any of them in any other way.
She'd had a crush on Rahul since the first day she met him and she hadn't felt
like that with any of the others who were crazy about her. There was Gautam,
whom she knew since her teenage, her best friend since school. He was crazy and
would always try to please her. He'd been her best friend since they were both
14 years old. They'd talk for hours, laugh and play and then, they grew up! She
wondered whatever happened to him since she'd lost touch with him after her
wedding with Rahul.
Then there was Sidharth, an old
friend of hers from college, who she was close to until after she met Rahul. He
expressed his feelings for her and she simply said no only because she couldn't
think there was anything but a mere crush that he had on her. She'd told him
it'll pass and that he'd find someone better than her. She was right. He was
still a friend of hers, happily married and with children.
There was also another person
she still remembered, Karthik. He even asked for her hand in marriage to her
parents, because he was tired of waiting for her to lose interest on Rahul.
Karthik knew Meera through a mutual friend and he liked what he saw in her. He
was well off and settled in life and just waiting for the right girl to
complete the vicious circle when he'd laid eyes on her. He had thought they
were perfect for each other but she had other plans, plans to study, go abroad,
experience life. He used to send her a text every morning, the first thing
after he woke up just to let her know she was on his mind. He was a romantic
but Meera initially wasn't and that was exactly why she fell for Rahul. Karthik
moved on too after a while. He married the girl his parents chose for him and
she assumed he was happy with her, well, she thought, who wouldn't be happy
with him? Any girl would have been lucky to be with him.
There were a few more that came
and left, but they had never mattered. Most of them moved on but she knew
Gautam wouldn't because she knew very well that she was a part of his life and
it was very hard for him to forget her. She'd been there for him and
vice-versa, at every stage in each-other's lifves and everything was going
perfect until she felt her crush on Rahul escalating to love. If only she
hadn't hurt Gautam in the process, she would have felt a little better and
tried to talk to him again. After the things she'd said to him, to hurt him,
she never could imagine seeing him again.
Meera looked around her in the
park. She saw couples sitting on the benches, some of them walking their dogs,
few of them watching their children play. She told herself she'd bring Anya to
the park on their way back home. She would have to just walk for two more
minutes and she'd be at the school in plenty of time. She knew Anya would love
to play on the swing and would want her to push her as high as possible. She
could smell the grass and was very tempted to sit down but then she told
herself she could sit and watch Anya play after she picked her up. So saying,
she brought herself to walk round the corner towards the Nursery. It was mobbed
with all the parents waiting for their kids. It was nearly time anyway and so
she went towards the gate.
The security guard saw her and
said "You are early today!". She simply smiled at him and said
"Yes, I am early today". He smiled back at her and directed
her to the building where Anya's nursery was. She'd only been to right outside
her class only twice and its always been the security guard or Anya's older
friends who took her to her class because Meera would have been running late
for her classes. She was patiently waiting outside Anya's class when she saw
few little heads popping out of the door, eager to get out and run to their
waiting moms and dads and friends. She knew Anya would be one of the last few
to leave her class. She knew her mommy was almost always late and she used that
time to talk to her favourite teacher, Lady Beth. Every day after school, all
Anya would talk about was her "Mommy, she drawed this picture for me
and she gave everyone sweeties, I got one green one but wanted the red one ... and so on ".
Meera moved aside to let a
little girl from Anya's class run towards her daddy or so she thought. "Meera?
Is it really you?" came a voice from behind. She turned just in time
to see the person whom she had dreamt she'd never face again. That little girl
Melinda, from Anya's class was in his arms. That was an even bigger shock to
her. "Aren't you going to say hello to us even?", said the
voice. This time she knew there was no mistake. "Hi Gautam, How are
you? It’s been a very long time" said Meera.
"Mommmmmmmmyyyyyy"
came the squealing voice of Anya from behind her, hugging her Jeans and
clinging on to her. Meera pulled Anya to the front, to face Gautam and her
friend. "Is that your daughter? She's beautiful", said Gautam.
Meera just managed to say a yes and introduced Anya to him and asked him if
Melinda was his daughter. Gautam just laughed and told her "No, Of
course not, I'm not married yet, this is Preethi also known as Melinda in
School. She also happens to be Arthi's youngest daughter. You know Arthi,
right? My sister?". How could Meera forget him or his sister or even
her husband Mukund, how could she forget the times she spent in their house,
playing as kids, growing up and his sister's wedding too. She could never
forget any of it.
"Yes, Of course, I
remember Arthi. Mom told me she had heard from your mother that Arthi had a son
few years back and that's the last I'd heard about her. How are you? What a
nice surprise to see you here! So we meet again far from where we were raised!"
and as soon as she said that she wished she hadn't brought it up. It was
awkward for the both of them. He gave Anya a chocolate and told Meera that it
would be nice for them to visit Arthi and everyone sometime. He also told her
that he was there in London for a project on behalf of his company and that he
would be there for another 6 months or so. She was proud of him because he was
also the Vice President of the company. She asked him to convey her regards to
everyone at home. He said he would do that and added that he'd seen her earlier
in the bus and he was travelling with her but he couldn't believe it was
actually her.
That made sense. That feeling of
being watched! She laughed really loud, uncontrollably. She told him then that
she thought she was being followed and watched. They both laughed. Little Anya
didn't understand what all the fuss was about but she liked to see her mommy
laugh. She kept herself busy munching on the chocolate and thanked Gautam for
it too. The four of them started walking away from the School towards the park
and just then Gautam told her that he had to take Preeti home soon, since they had
to go to a birthday party later. He told her he'll see her again tomorrow.
Meera had butterflies in her
stomach. She had never been this happy in a long time. She had never laughed
like this in years. She couldn't wait for tomorrow. She was happy walking Anya
to the park. Anya being the little genius she was, noticed the sudden happiness
in her mommy. She was happy too. She left Meera's hands and ran towards the
slide. Meera looked around for a spot to sit down and settled herself and
Anya's back-pack under a shady tree. She could see Anya so happy, fearless of
the unknown, no worries in her mind. She was a good kid, never a problem, not
even when it came to her food as long as she got them on time. She wasn't fussy
at all. Only one thing had troubled her, the day Anya wanted to know about her
daddy. Well, technically no one knew who her biological father was but Meera
couldn't tell her that. So she had told her that her daddy was far far away
where he can't come back from. Anya just accepted it and never again asked
Meera for anything more. Meera had longed to tell her that if only things had
gone well, Rahul could have been your daddy.
Like every couple, Rahul and
Meera, were happy too in the beginning. They spent a lot of time together,
talking, laughing, holding hands, roaming around. He helped her in every way he
could. He was dedicated to her. He'd pick her from her classes and drop her
home, talk for hours on the phone, chat online till late and what not. First it
was just the jealousy. He couldn't take it that Gautam was her best friend.
That had to stop. He wanted her to be happy only because of him not because of
any other guy. Then it was about her ambition. She had dreams and he was
between her and her dreams, but she somehow managed to go abroad and pursue her
studies. Later it was all his lies and false promises, his lack of interest,
his lack of trust in her, communication gap and the distance between them. So
he came to live with her too. They got married right in the middle of all their
misunderstandings, just to please both the families. Like many love marriages,
their honey moon period was over just before they were married.
After their marriage,
their fights focussed on one constant thing, his ego. He could never bring
himself to apologise or make up to her after whenever he hurt her which was
almost always intentional. He constantly made her feel small, picked on her for
small things and lost respect for her. For Meera, it was additional
responsibility. She had no social life. Whatever time she had left after her
efforts to please him and soothe him, she used for her studies. She told
herself that was the one thing that she needed to concentrate on. Once her
exams are finished she'll have more time to spend with him. He'll understand.
It never once occurred to her then that it wasn't her fault. She'd blamed
herself for everything that went wrong. She always wondered if she'd done
things the other way they wouldn't have fought. As days went by, she was
getting more depressed every day. Many nights she'd cry and lie beside him.
He'd not even hold her or bother to wipe her tears away. Then it slowly dawned
on her what she was inflicting upon herself, plain guilt.
Meera suddenly
remembered a phone conversation with her mother, when her mother realised her
daughter wasn't happy. That was the last straw. Meera couldn't take it any
longer. She poured her heart out to her mother and remembered what her mother
told her that day, "You are a good girl and you have always been. You
should understand that you are married now and you can't expect to be pampered
and spoilt. This is reality. Your father has never done anything for me either.
You should know to take care of yourself and your husband too. He must be tired
and worried about something. It'll pass". That hurt Meera more than ever.
Even her mom couldn't understand. She had absolutely no one to talk to in that
strange place, thanks to Rahul. She was alienated from her friends circle and
he always had his own friends whom he always hung out with. She was never
invited out with him.
All the butterflies
she had earlier in her stomach passed. It was clear to her now. She'd been hurt
by one guy whom she truly loved and worshipped. In fact she knew she still
loved him. She was weak. Every time he came back into her life she'd simply
accepted him back and the cycle repeated itself. It took a great deal of her
strength to leave him and start a new life. Her life was a mess and now it has
just started to look better.
She told herself,
the broken rainbow is beginning to mend. She was still healing from all her
psychological wounds and yet she had hopes for a brighter tomorrow. She told
herself she'd never let herself be treated like that by anyone else again. She
had decided she'd never let any guy be a priority in her life, she knew very
she'd never be able to commit to anyone else again. She'd never be able to
trust another guy. She'd carved out her future in which she had place only for
her daughter Anya. That was how it was going to be.
Meera looked up to
see Anya still engrossed in her slide and wondered if she'd ever get tired of
going up and sliding down at least fifty times. She was tired and now a bit
confused. She looked up to the sky, "Why God, Why did I have to meet
Gautam after all these years? Is it for him to mock me? I never wanted him to
see me like this, a failure. He'd warned me about Rahul so many times but I
never listened to him and he's now come to rub it in? To tell me "I told
you so?", Why God?, I was doing just fine, or is this a sign for me to
accept Gautam? A second chance?".
Meera looked at Anya
and pictured Anya in Gautam's arms. She began to picture the two of them
playing and having fun just like father and daughter. She knew Anya would be
happy to have a father. Thoughts of whether Gautam will accept her and Anya ran
across her mind. She immediately brushed the thought away. "How can I
trust any guy to take care of my girl?" "No, I've been there,
done that. Not again. Gautam doesn't deserve me. He surely deserves someone
else. What if he already has someone? Stupid me, for thinking so far ahead."
Yet, the very thought of meeting him again brought a smile to her face.
Anya was tired
sooner than usual and ran to Meera. They walked to the bus terminus and got
into the bus. All the while Meera's mind was occupied with the thoughts of
meeting Gautam. She talked herself into hoping for nothing yet she felt herself
happier than she'd ever been in years. "Mommy, you are smiling at who?"
came Anya's sweet voice looking around for the reason for her mommy's smile.
Meera just hugged her little girl and told her it was her who made her smile
and she hoped against hope that it was that. They got back to their cute little
cosy place what she called home. She gave Anya a quick shower, fed her, recited
a bed time story and put her to sleep. She fell asleep too and slept peacefully
in a long time and before she knew it, it was already a brand new day.
The day couldn't
have gone any quicker for Meera because she was already walking towards the
nursery to pick Anya up and today she was late just like other days. She was
walking inside the gate when she spotted Anya warming up to Gautam. For a
moment, she wished that what she saw was real, a moment that'd never end even
after she separated them. Her heart ached for it. She suddenly wanted a father
for Anya and her best friend back in her life but was it that simple? She knew
that what she saw now and cherished was simply asking for too much. She
couldn't go through with the whole relationship thing again and let alone Anya
go through with it. She decided she'd had enough of men. She wasn't over Rahul
yet and she never would be and to think of Gautam now wouldn't be fair to
Gautam himself. She wouldn't do that to her best friend she told herself. She
slowly walked towards them.
Gautam turned and
looked at her admiringly. She blushed even though she knew she shouldn't have.
She realised she'd even had her eye shadow on today, which she hadn't bothered
with in years and wondered if she'd already made a fool of herself. Gautam
suddenly shook her hands and congratulated her and she wondered why. Seeing the
frown and confusion on her face he giggled and told her that Anya was bragging
about her "Doctor Mommy" and "Teacher Mommy" and "Nice
Mommy". He told her he was proud of her that she'd come so far in life.
Meera didn't know what to say. " So,
how is Rahul? Is he still jealous of me, eh? Did you tell him yet that you met
me yesterday?". She didn't remember what hit her but all she could
manage was "Yes, Rahul is fine and he's still the same and always will
be. We better get going now then and I have a lot of work to get done. See you
some other time Gautam. Convey my regards to Arthi and your parents too".
Meera and Anya said
their farewells to Gautam and Preeti. She knew then that for atleast another
six months she'll have to lie to her best friend or make some other
arrangements to pick Anya up. She didn't want to give him any hopes nor did she
want to know if there was anyone special in his life. She didn't want to know
anything at all about him because she didn't like the way her heart fluttered
around him. She didn't want to go through all of it again. Never! A broken
rainbow takes a long time indeed to heal and sometimes never actually heals.
13 comments:
following are the comments received on Facebook:
Arunn Kannan: Well written comprising of glimpses of multiple characters in such a short span.... however havng grown up on bollywood and hollywood stories would have prefered a "lived happily ever after ending" :)
Nisha Prabath: liked the ending... nice
Ajith Daniel Thomas Nice story: ..! I like..! Is there a next chapter to the story?? Does meera ever meet gautam again? I guess I'll have to wait and find out..! But I think she shud..! :)
Sajeev Dharmapalan: Well done priya, I quite couldn't believe I read through the entire thing, You did keep me engaged, that ought to say something about this peace. well crafted, indeed. cheeers. ;-)
Pooja Konjier: Priya- u really deserve a pat--well done gurl!!! I must admit the entire story kept me engaged--I know sad but true but not always all endings are happy endings - keep up the good job gurl.. should we say your next jobhunt must be as a journalist ;) xoxo
Priya: u have done a gr8 job, ur story seems very realistic, it revels pain, happiness, care for her daughter, state of her mind, I feel like some1 is talking to me, u have used very simple n classy words, which keeps me engage n curious while reading d story good job, u shud start writing a book darling, best luck for ur future writing.
Thanks a lot Vidya :)
hey priya
that's a beautifully written story, very much engaging, i didn't realise for a moment that its the end, love to read the next chapter. its very professional and it was like watching a movie. best wishes to u.
indu
Thanka a lot Indu :)
Hey ....just got back from the hospital and read this twice :)i sympathize and empathize with the story..parts of it seems reminiscent of my own life..good short story..it felt warm and heartfelt..maybe 'coz i identified with it so much!! :-) i don't care...i thought it was brilliant...like the conversational style of writing..you could improve on the grammar (just a wee bit) but all-in-all...i loved it..the title is profound..hope to read more from you, my dear budding authoress!
Sanguraman Udhaya Wimaladas:
Hi Priya, I'm proud of u. Happy that my niece may become a great author one day. Ur story has a realistic ending. Fabulous story.
PraVeena Premakumar
hi sis , This is beautiful , "A Broken Rainbow " its colorful story like a rainbow ,but in this story you , used more colors than in a rainbow colors like Meera,Rahul, Anya,Gautam,Sidharth,Karthik ,Melinda,Arthi...etc , its your talents , write more , keep on doing :)
Wow! You should consider a writing profession :) Fabulous!
Thanks Charanya Kannan :)
Allow me to offer my congratulations on the truly admirable skill you have shown... continue
Thank You Sudharshan :)
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